Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
