yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
