wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
