As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
