i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
