That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
