i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
