The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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