i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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