My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
