you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
