the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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