Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
