real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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