My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
