A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
