it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want to make out with him forever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
