i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
