you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
