Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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