I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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