And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
