Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize