After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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