I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
