If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
