she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
