You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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