May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
