everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Your penis caused this!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
