Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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