Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I supernannyed him into submission
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
