why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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