would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
