i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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