dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
please don't ironically join a cult
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