I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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