When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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