You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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