Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
