Non-Jews are for practice
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
