Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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