On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I won the penis lottery.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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