I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
