Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
