and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
