My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
