in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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