Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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