We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
