i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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