The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
