At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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