Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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