Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
