he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I still have a little drunk in my system
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
