my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
