You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
