If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need water and some morals
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
