Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
