i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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