drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
