Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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