A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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