thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
