Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
