you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
