life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
