I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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